We’ve all been guilty of it. Someone wrongs us and we hold a grudge. We hold onto the hate that their actions brought us. Some of us may have even broken out in gossip a time or two, because everyone should know what kind of person they are … right? Well, no. The reality is that we are no better than they are by perpetuating that gossip. We are just as miserable as they are to hold that grudge.

We need look no further than the book of Matthew to know the right path. Jesus himself preached forgiveness, even telling Peter to forgive his brother not just 7 times, but seventy seven! In Mark he preached that when praying, forgive those that you have anything against.

We know the reality is, that it isn’t easy. Forgiveness can be hard, especially when the actions that require forgiveness caused a great deal of harm, pain or heartache. So why do we forgive?

A lot of people say things like “everyone deserves second chances”. Some people forgive just because they have gotten over it, so it doesn’t serve them to hold a grudge anymore. Even those are not the reasons that we forgive others though, though they do make it easier. As Christians, we are called to forgiveness so that we too may be forgiven by the Lord. But I’m going to dig a little deeper here.

I forgive people for myself. It could be a little selfish in nature, but this is the kind of selfish we as Christians can stand behind. I forgive because why should that person have any control over my happiness? Why should they dim my light? Why should their misery cause me misery as well?

You see, when you don’t forgive, there is something carnal that sets off in you every time you see them. You may get annoyed, or your mood could change, sometimes they even take over your thoughts, keeping you from having the probably decent day you were having before you saw them. Why should they get that much of your energy? Why are you willingly giving them that power over you?

Who really cares what they did? It is in the past. Chances are, you’ve moved beyond it and it no longer affects you. Even if it does, it would affect you a little less by finally stepping back and releasing the hold that it has on you. Christians should strive to be more like Jesus, and Jesus forgives. I’m living proof that he forgives. The thief on the cross that will not be forgotten by Jesus in heaven, is proof that he forgives. Forgiveness and grace is the reason that we have hope to begin with.

Do you know what happens when you truly forgive someone? You feel a little lighter. You feel at peace with the things that have transpired. You loosen that tension in your shoulders a little bit. You also give room to recognize growth in that person. People can change.

I’m proof that people can change. My husband is proof that people can change. When you hold that grudge, that is the only way you will ever see that person. You wouldn’t want someone looking at your teenage self and judging your 40 year old self based on that. I wouldn’t at least. If you did that to me, I’d still be labeled as a stoner, loser with no friends who doesn’t have confidence, a sense of self-worth or self-esteem who seeks attention in anyway that she can and doesn’t believe in God. I’m not that person anymore – clearly. It took years of building myself up brick by brick, but I became someone different. I became a better version of myself. Everybody who put me in that box, was no longer in my life and I stopped giving them that control over me. The person that made me who I was, I have even forgiven them. I still tell my story, loudly so that I can give others hope, but I don’t hold that grudge anymore.

Every time one of my friends and I stopped talking, it was over a stupid grudge that didn’t serve either of us. We lost a lot of years and memories over something insignificant in the larger picture. I can’t get those years back, but I can prevent further ones by forgiving during the inevitable arguments.

You have a decision to make. You either hold that grudge and burn bridges, or you forgive and follow the example of Jesus. One way will lead you to salvation, and one will lead you to be reliant on those around you to dictate your feelings. This should be an easy choice. The task may not be easy though.

It takes a lot of strength to forgive someone sometimes. The anger I had in my step dad for the abuse left me broken and constantly stumbling back into bad decisions and depression. It took a lot of deep reflection to truly be able to forgive him. It took years of sharing my story and reflecting on the person I have become because of it. You know why it took so long though? It’s because I didn’t know God at the time. I was trying to forgive him on my own. God will give you the power to let that anger wash away and make room for the lightness that forgiveness will give you. If you need a little help, pray. He will listen. He will know if you truly want to forgive and he will help you. Maybe this is the first time you will truly feel what it means to give something to God. What a wonderful feeling that is!

We cannot expect forgiveness if we do not forgive others. Everybody deserves a chance to grow and redeem themselves. If God gives that to you, you can give that to them. Anger and grudges serve no one. I serve the Lord though, and I am grateful for the forgiveness that I have received.

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“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive to hers, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6: 14-15 (NLT)

“Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy times seven!” Matthew 18: 21-22 (NLT)

“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” Mark 11:25 (NLT)

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)