All over the internet these days, you can see Christians calling out other Christians for not acting like Christians. Especially when it comes to new Christians, they do not reserve their judgement when calling out how they act, who they associate with and why they aren’t Christian enough for their liking. I have my own thoughts on that, but that isn’t what I want to address. The question I want to look at is “What do your life and relationships start to look like after you’ve accepted Jesus as your savior and truly begin walking with him? I emphasize truly because there is still a difference between accepting him as your savior and having a relationship with him that makes you truly want to change.

The first changes you see are in yourself and your family life. My husband, for example, went from cussing every other word, to barely cussing at all – and when he does, he apologies and corrects himself. (He is not perfect and he, like all of us who are new to the faith, is still a work in progress.) It was one of the first things he felt convicted about, but it didn’t happen overnight. It took time and effort. He has improved by leaps and bounds with his temper and remarks he would make about other people. He trusts in God with everything he has and truly believes that it will be as God intends it to be, if he just places that trust in him.

As for me, my life started changing drastically. When you have a past like mine and you found God as abruptly as I did, things can change so fast it can be scary – but also inspiring to others. I was on the fast track from day one. I immediately dove into the word. I took on study time every night – and I have never missed a day. I use my spare time to study with my husband, or deep dive into a book of the Bible. I completely block Sundays off. You will find us every week, front row at church. The one time we didn’t make it because we were on the road (this last weekend), we listened online during our drive home. Then, we went back and we listened again that night when we got home so we could take notes. On a normal week, at dinner time, we have dinner with friends from church, then a Bible study. I adjust my whole homework schedule so that I can attend the women’s classes at the church on Tuesdays now. I would rather be up late getting homework done every night, than sacrifice my time spent with God.

I’ve changed outside of the church too. I almost exclusively listen to Christian music now. I do still listen to secular music occasionally, but it is no longer my first thought. My mood has improved. I no longer get as depressed, sad, stressed or angry. I find myself apologizing even when I get irritated in traffic. I went back to the little girl who always found the positive in things, even when surrounded by sharks. The little things are changing – sometimes without me even noticing. I cleared out my jewelry box of anything new age related. I’d rather burn my witchcraft books to get rid of them rather than give them to anyone else and perpetuate their cycle. They are sitting and waiting until we can have a fire somewhere and burn them. Everything I do, I want to involve my faith. Clearly it has inspired and changed my writing. I’ve even found myself looking into theology studies for when I graduate (yes, more school. I love to learn.)

We’ve established that your life starts to change. It could be from your actions, your words, your interests or just how you choose to live your life in general. What about your relationships? Well, I am here to tell you that your relationships will change too, for better or for worse. As scary as it can be, it is okay if they do.

My husband and I are more intentional in our marriage and understand that God comes first. Walking this path together has allowed us to grow closer. What about family members that aren’t Christian though? My daughter doesn’t believe it. How could she? We came to our faith so late that we didn’t raise her that way. I can’t blame her if we never planted that seed as her parents. When we study, either we are in the room or she goes to hers. Let’s be honest though, you barely find her without her headphones on anyway. She’s an easier relationship to have as someone who isn’t Christian though because she’s still one of the best human beings I know – and that isn’t being biased. She’s kind to everyone but strong in her thoughts. She couldn’t hurt a fly. She puts others before herself. All that is missing is the belief and understanding – and while we cannot force her to go to church at 18, we can let her see the change in us and encourage her to at least consider it. She understands how important this is to us though, so she willingly came to our baptism to support us.

Relationships that aren’t family is a whole different story in my life. This is perhaps where it has caused me to see the most change in myself – because it is affecting my other relationships. In a lot of my friendships, gossip is extremely prevalent. This is also the biggest thing that I need to change. It makes me have to be more mindful and truly let that gossip die with me if I’m able to. It is hard. More conversations than I like to admit were centered around gossip with almost all of my friends. In some relationships, the drama and partying is exhausting to me now. I once worked so hard to get past my social anxiety and open up to people to make new friends, but now, I’m back to feeling like I don’t belong there – just for a whole different reason.

We had a large section of friends attend our baptism. Some were happy and some just existed in that moment to support us. Not all of them go to church, and that’s fine. We appreciate that they were there to support us. However, with the situation going into that service, one friend in particular needed to hear the message. Our pastor talked about forgiveness. He said “we are stuck because we are not forgiving, we are holding on.” They desperately needed that message that day – but it didn’t resonate with them. It didn’t move them at all. It left no imprint. That was reflected in something that was said later, that I have still not responded to, nor will I. I myself, have already forgiven them. The hurt and disappointment is temporary. The forgiveness was not automatic though. That night, was the first time I truly understood what it meant to give it to God. It was the first time I was ever truly convicted to do that. The calmness and sense of security that it gave me is indescribable. Until I wrote this, I had even stopped thinking about it. The forgiveness wasn’t necessarily for them either, it was for me. We are still friends, I love them dearly and nothing can ever replace what we’ve done for each other and what we mean to each other in our lives.

I can’t say that there isn’t distance between us. There is distance between me and all my friends. Can I text my friends – sure. but I barely text my mother either. It is something I have to work on. I’ve always been bad about staying in contact because it is easy for me to just crawl in my hole and forget about the outside world.

In fact another friend, I haven’t really talked to since I told her that I found Jesus. We had been growing distant for a while. She’s got a little girl. I’m busy with school and church. We live on opposite sides of the county. Distance is what happens when both parties lack the ability to keep up communication. I know a lot of people hate always being the one to text first. I hate that I’m one of the ones that don’t – again I’m working on it. I just don’t have enough to say to keep a conversation going. I hate talking on the phone, and a lot of people would rather talk than text. I know that I’m a big part of the drift in ALL my friendships. Until I make the effort and make the changes, I’m confident in what the Lord decides about who is meant to be in my life and who isn’t. My friends and I have gone great lengths of time not talking, and we always find our ways back to each other. It can happen again.

All this to say …

Not everyone that is part of your old life will fit into your new life. It can be scary and painful to come to this realization – but it is necessary. Some people help your grow, some hinder your growth. It is hard to know which they are when you’re the one in the relationship. Sometimes you need an outside eye. You will also find new relationships with those who share your beliefs and convictions. Explore those relationships more and see where things go. My husband has built a core Jesus focused group of men. They text every day, they talk every day. I’m still looking for mine. I’m meeting amazing people at the women’s classes at church. The more I go, the more I hope to find that too.

It is also important to not give up on the friends you have. All it takes is one message or one action for their whole life to change too. Be their light and be accessible. Like me with my husband, maybe they will end up hand in hand with you on their walk. Help keep them steady. Until they get there, pray. I pray everyday for my friends. I pray they find this love that I have found. I pray that they stop letting other people dictate their happiness. I pray that they surrender their selves and their life to our Good Lord. I pray that they can forgive the trauma of their past and let it make them stronger today. I pray for it all and all their happiness.

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“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

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“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 (ESV)

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“to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24 (ESV)